


one's duty

by flowerymoonlight



Series: Lost in time [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Boys In Love, Boys Kissing, Fluff, M/M, Mentions of Sexual Acts, Slight Smut, angsty fluff, depressing softness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-20
Updated: 2020-03-20
Packaged: 2021-03-01 05:22:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,279
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23230084
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flowerymoonlight/pseuds/flowerymoonlight
Summary: Bucky tells Steve about his deployment and they spend their last night together.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Series: Lost in time [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1670206
Kudos: 8





	one's duty

**Author's Note:**

> hello all!! this story happened so i can heal my soul and give my boys what they deserved. enjoy!!

Steve was angry. He was so angry that he was on the verge of having another asthma attack and he couldn’t afford using another one of his cigarettes two days in a row. They had denied him of joining the army again. He just wanted to serve his country and do what was right but they knew what was better for him.

He had a little extra money from a commission he did a few days ago and he decided that a film would help calm him down before going back home. He didn’t want Bucky to see him like this. It would only make him worry and they had enough of that already.

He ended up leaving the theater early, not even remembering the film he paid for only trying to keep himself from punching an asshole in the face for being disrespectful. He tried to imagine the look his ma would give him if he came back with more bruises, his cheek was still a little purple from a previous fight, and he saw Bucky sporting the same look.

So the best decision was to just go home and deal with Bucky possibly yelling at him for trying to forge his papers again.

When Steve walked through the door the apartment was unusually quiet for early afternoon. Not that they had the money to blast music or dance around, but Bucky would be usually humming a catchy song while trying not to dance too much and he would have started boiling water for dinner.

This time Steve couldn’t hear any of his humming or his padded feet on the floor and a pang of worry came over him until he walked further into the apartment and saw Bucky sitting on the couch. He was in only his undershirt and sleeping shorts but his hair was styled so he must have gotten out. Steve didn’t focus on the muscles of his arms instead his eyes fell to the letter Bucky was holding and staring down like it had killed his family.

“What’s that, Buck?” Steve could’ve walked in there butt-naked and Bucky still wouldn’t bat an eye in his direction. He kept staring at that letter until Steve came and sat next to him which he then threw on the table with a heavy sigh. Bucky leaned back against the couch and Steve decided to join him and let his friend tell him about it instead of checking for himself.

They stared at the ceiling for what felt like an hour without moving to Steve but it was probably five minutes before Bucky sighed again and brought up a hand to run over his face. “Got my papers today,” it was a statement, a simple fact, and yet, it made cold blood run through Steve’s veins.

They stayed staring at the ceiling for a couple more minutes. Steve was trying to figure out what to say. There were so many things he wanted to say that he never thought he’d had to. So many things Bucky should know about and if Steve doesn’t talk now he will bury his secrets with him.

“Wh-” Steve’s voice just cut off on its own and he had to take a moment to swallow over the lump in his throat. “When are you leaving?” And maybe his voice was already revealing too much but Bucky was leaving and Steve knew there was a very high chance he might never see him again so he couldn’t find it in him to care so much.

Bucky cleared his throat before whispering in the room. “Tomorrow morning.” The silence that came after was a weighted one. It hung heavy on Steve’s heart and he had trouble getting air in his lungs. His chest started to feel tight and he could see one of his asthma attacks coming before Bucky was moving.

“Listen, Stevie,” Bucky was sitting up on the couch and Steve lifted his head to look at him, warmth feeling his breast at the nickname. “I know I shouldn’t, I know it’s the worst time possible,” a rough chuckle escaped him and Steve felt it hit something inside him. “but I have to do this. Even if –” Steve could hear the tears in his friend’s voice even if he couldn’t see them and it made him sit up and stare at Bucky’s profile. “Even if I lose you.”

Bucky turned then to look at him and Steve wanted to just reach out and soothe back his hair and take the pain away from his wet eyes. “Stevie, I,” it took the millisecond Bucky glanced down at Steve’s lips for him to know and understand what Bucky wanted to say. And he didn’t know if it was from elation or impatience or both but Steve darted forward and caught Bucky’s lips in his before he could say anything more.

Bucky made a pained noise in the back of his throat before pushing back against Steve and bringing his hand up to cup Steve’s cheek. Steve’s hand, in turn, went to Bucky’s hair like he longed to do so many times before. He felt Bucky’s other hand fist his shirt and drag Steve even closer to him.

When they eventually had to break apart for air they kept close and let their foreheads touch. “Stevie,” that single word held so much emotion in Bucky’s voice, so many things neither of them could say out loud but Steve could feel deep inside of him, tugging at his heart.

Instead, Steve leaned forward and pressed his mouth against Bucky’s again. Slowly moving his lips over Bucky’s and letting himself enjoy something he wanted for countless years. It was almost ironic how the first time would be his last. But Steve wouldn’t think about that now, he would only think about Bucky.

When Bucky pressed further against him and tentatively brushed his tongue over his bottom lip, Steve opened his mouth wider, letting him in and feeling a spark in the pit of his stomach come to light. It was a familiar feeling, he would get it every time Bucky would do something small, yet so big; like fixing Steve’s hair. Running his hands through it and smoothing it back.

Steve could almost pretend in those moments. He almost could pretend that Bucky was something more and that longing that he left deep in his gut wasn’t one-sided. And now he could do more than just pretend. He could act as he wanted, let his affections run free. And even though they hadn’t talked about anything, Steve could always hope that they would be returned.

They kissed lazily for a few more minutes while staying on the couch. Letting their tongues brush against each other’s and their hands roam any skin they could reach. Steve hadn’t felt such elation and happiness since his mother would sing him to sleep. He didn’t want to move from that place in Bucky’s arms but all good things must come to an end. And when Bucky pulled back to look at him, Steve was graced with the view of Bucky’s darkened cheeks and pink lips, making his heart flare with all the things he was feeling.

Bucky darted in to steal one more chaste kiss, and Steve would have let him steal them all, but he was pulling away all too soon. Bucky stood up, holding Steve’s hand in his and glancing at him with uncertainty in his eyes.

Steve had stared into those eyes more times than he could count, wishing to get into Bucky’s personal space and make them shine. The emotion behind them now didn’t sit right with him so he shot up, placing his lips softly on Bucky’s before pulling away and smiling up at him. Steve interlocked their fingers and got to see as a shy smile brightened Bucky’s face.

With more confident strides, Bucky pulled him towards the bedroom not letting his eyes stray from Steve’s even once. Steve could feel the butterflies in the midst of war in his belly and he could only smile sheepishly up at him, hoping his eyes could tell all the words he couldn’t.

Bucky only stopped when they reached their bed – Steve wouldn’t lie to himself about that tonight – and sat down on the edge, pulling Steve to stand in between his legs. Steve would’ve been lying if he said that having Bucky look up at him with those shining eyes didn’t do things to him.

Bucky’s hands drifted from Steve’s to slide up his arms and reach his shoulders so he could push his jacket off of him. Steve had all his focus on Bucky’s small smile as he continued to undress him till he was standing in front of him in only his undershirt and underwear. It left Steve feeling giddily excited about getting one of his fantasies to come to life.

Bucky shyly let his hands hang in the air between them and Steve could see his fingers twitching to close around his hips. So he listened to his heart and took that one step closer that brought his face just a hair away from his and having Bucky’s hands touch his sides.

It made Bucky’s smile widen just a tad and Steve couldn’t resist bending down and connecting their lips in another soft kiss. Bucky didn’t let him pull away after a few seconds though and deepened their kiss, tugging Steve even closer and until their chests brushed. Steve felt a dormant need come to life in the pit of his stomach and he in return circled his arms around Bucky’s neck while taking the last step and straddling Bucky’s hips, letting no space rest between their bodies.

From then on Steve couldn’t the heat or the affection behind his touches and he could feel his skin burn a hot red by Bucky’s same intensity. They became a mess of limbs, always connected to each other and yet looking to be even closer. Steve lost count of how many times his words almost spilled out of him. Words that he hadn’t felt stronger before, but that was yet another reason he couldn’t voice them.

Instead, he let himself take everything Bucky was giving him in. He cherished Bucky’s lingering touches and he felt his skin tingle under Bucky’s lingering kisses. Steve let himself feel it wholeheartedly and with no bounds. He let himself be who he wanted with the one person that would always make his heart race and his eyes bloom.

Steve woke up to the feel of lips on his skin and a calloused hand on his cheek. His heart lurched in his throat while his brain filled in the gaps of the night before and his hand instinctively lifted to grasp Bucky’s wrist. He felt Bucky’s sigh before he opened his eyes and for one very painful second, his stomach dropped at the thought that Bucky might have regretted it.

“Shh,” Bucky whispered against Steve’s temple, moving his thumb over his cheek. “Don’t get up yet,” Bucky’s voice was soft but Steve could still hear the anguish – the pain – Bucky let bleed into his voice. It made pain flare in Steve’s chest and he wanted to do everything he could to have Bucky tease him with that shining smile of his.

“Bucky,” Steve tried to say something to comfort him – anything. But before he could say another word Bucky’s lips were on his and he melted into the soft kiss. Bucky’s forehead leaned against his when they pulled apart and Steve had a heavy feeling in his breast that Bucky had more to say.

“Stay here, like this. Let me have this one, last, thing.” He whispered to Steve and he could feel his stomach turning in knots. “Let me remember you like this. Let this not be–” Bucky didn’t say the word they both heard whispered in their heads. Let this not be a goodbye. It didn’t matter what they knew, it only mattered what they could hope in. And if Bucky let him, Steve could only find solace in him.

Steve could only nod, not trusting that his words wouldn’t break if he tried to speak. He could see Bucky’s shoulder slumping in painful relief as he moved his hand to better grasp Steve’s neck. His lips then went to Steve’s temple and then his cheek and landed the last time on Steve’s lips.

It was as soft and slow as all the words they couldn’t say out loud and Steve’s stomach turned in in itself with all the affection blooming inside of him. It was overall too soon and Steve let his eyes remain closed. Not daring to open them and see Bucky walk out of the room. Maybe – just maybe – if he wouldn’t open his eyes to witness it he could pretend that Bucky wouldn’t leave him forever.

Bucky pulled on him to lay back down on their bed and Steve felt his body sink into the mattress and feeling heavy with a new kind of pain, that couldn’t measure up to anything done by his asthma or his constant sickness.

His heart cracked like stone when the sound of the front door closing echoed throughout the apartment to land heavily on his body. He felt as a piece of him left his side forever and made a home in Bucky’s hands, letting him carry it – and Steve with it – till the day he died. Steve tried to stray away from those thoughts as he played his last night with Bucky over and over in his head.

It was the only thing he could hold onto for a while.


End file.
